Thin Mint CrackIt’s that time of year again, when the young girls are out on the streets, selling their wares. You see them and feel sorry for them, but you also quickly look away, trying not to make eye contact, lest you be subject to their tempting pleas. But I seem to fall for it, every year. Their cute little outfits don’t help me avoid my inevitable fate. A flash of the green, and I’m feeling guilty again, and not because of a post-St. Patrick’s Day hangover. No, it’s my cookie kryptonite: Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies.

Scary Scout Don’t make her angry, Mr. McGee. You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry.

Each year, it’s the same thing – these little cookie-pimping bitches dress up as cookies and flash that green Thin Mint box, and I’m a goner. And it’s a vicious cycle, too. Once you have the Thin Mints, you have to go get some milk to go with them. Milk, for God’s sake! C’mon, is there no end to the humiliation?


Girl Scout Cookie FlowchartI’m hardly the only one to be subjected to this yearly torture, as MSNBC reported last week, Thin Mints, or the lack thereof, inspired Hersha Howard of Collier County, Florida, to turn into a real-life psycho version of the Cookie Monster. When she went for her Thin Mints for a late-nite snack, she found them missing. She accused her roommate of eating them, but the roommate said she gave them to her kids, and offered to pay $10 for them (more than twice what they cost). Howard completely lost it at that point, and went after her roommate with a pair of scissors, bit her on the breast, and struck her repeatedly with a sign. While cookies may be a “sometime food” as Cookie Monster says, that “sometime” is usually “right the hell NOW!”