These would have been the Academy Award winners:

Best Picture: Machete
Best Actor: Danny Trejo, Machete
Best Actress: Jessica Alba’s naked ass, Machete
Best Supporting Actor: Cheech Marin, Machete
Best Supporting Actress: Ellen Wong, Scott Pilgrim vs the World
Best Director: Ethan Maniquis & Robert Rodriguez, Machete
Best Original Screenplay: Robert Rodriguez & Álvaro Rodríguez, Machete
Best Adapted Screenplay: Scott Pilgrim vs the World
Visual Effects: Scott Pilgrim vs the World
Music (Original Score): Scott Pilgrim vs the World
Music (Original Song): Garbage Truck by Beck, Scott Pilgrim vs the World